R.I.P Jacintha Saldanha

I am very saddened by this news which continues to play out in the media all over the world. Everything from the parents  of the victim  to the ethics of media are being discussed. It would seem that there is nothing more to be said.

What I am really curious to know is this. Jacinta passed on the call sure but there is nothing anywhere about the nurse who went on to give all the details to the pranksters from Australia. Who is she? I don’t think I’ve even seen her name anywhere in the press. She is one that gave out all the details and, possibly being from the UK, failed to detect the fake accent.

Why did Jacinta who said all of “I’ll connect you” or something to that effect feel that she had to take here life (allegedly) while the second nurse has managed such annonymity?

Ok. I agree I have only questions here but I’ve been in a position where forces greater than me have used those on the lower rung to cover their mistakes. I remember being fired from one of my first jobs in Australia because I did not meet sales targets. I was given all kinds of assurances which were not assurances at all but just thinly veiled threats.

Here I go from questions to hypothesis. I feel that Jacinta was victimised first  by the pranksters and once again by those in management. They must have told her that they would stand behind her if an enquiry into the incident showed that she had come out with shining colours. Of course, she knew that they would find a way to ensure that she would not come out with flying colours.

I have worked in jobs where I would have had to potentially come to directly speak with those who had lost loved ones. This can be a very traumatic experience and the company policy was to provide full and unflinching support to those who came to be in such a situation. However, when I did find myself in that situation, I found that the letter and spirit of the company policy where completely at odds with each other. I did not feel that I had to take my life but I did feel a sense of betrayal that would, had I been in a different frame of mind, have led to such a step. I have no doubt about it.

Knowing that Jacinta comes from a region where suicides rates are high by any standards, it seems likely that she would have been pushed over with something like this which would have caused immense loss of face at the workplace.

I will not go on to speculate about the involvement of the royal family in this.

I pray for her family. I pray for her children who have lost a mother. I pray for the family that will forever be left doubting what they could have done differently so they would still have their wife, mother, daughter still with them.



Those three little letters

Write an entire post without using any three-letter words.

So already I have broken such a rule by using the prompt. Nonetheless, I will go on from there.

This is easier than I thought. However, in making this post without three letter words, I also seem to be writing without a coherent post in mind.

Nikhil’s birthday party is foremost on my mind as I write this. By having it at a venue, I saved myself a heap of  tidying up.

Everyone seemed to have enjoyed themselves.

I will get back  continue with my other work as I have list as long as my arm leg  maxi dress 🙂

Talking heads

Link to an item in the news you’ve been thinking about lately, and write the op-ed you’d like to see published on the topic.

Racism is a subject that is either used or abused in the media. Very rarely is coherent argument possible when one brings up the subject of race. It’s a little bit or very much like religion in this regard.

There has been a lot of references to racism in the Australian media recently. All of them scattered and unrelated. This is what bothers me.

It seems that racism can actually affect your health. In other words, experiences of racism has been shown to have psychological effect on a person’s well-being. This is probably nothing new to many of us who’ve experienced one form of racism or another.

In India, Australia is known for very little other than being racist. For this reason, Indians in Australia are at pains to explain what a wonderful country Australia is and that racism is just a minority view. I beg to differ. However, I would like to state that this point that the kind of racist abuse that I have experienced in India far outweighs and outnumbers those that I have had here in Australia. I would like this to be the basis for the rest of this article.

So, having experienced relentless and open discrimination in India, I find that the Australian form of racism is far more institutionalised. This, to the average person, means that they will very rarely experience racism in a way that can be documented.

It will be in the way that promotions may bypass you or jobs always to go another person. There will always be a justifiable reason why it so happened that you did not get that position or raise.

In this regard, Australian racism has to be tackled from the top. Why don’t we have someone from a minority community ( I refuse the tag of ethnic community by the way) as Prime Minister? Why are there no non-white faces in the Cabinet, media, theatre, art, music and in any other insitution.

We should start by making our voices heard politically. This, I’m happy to say, is happening. 

I have to cut short my thoughts at this stage. 

You are a bad mother!

A friend of mine who lives very far from me called me in tears and said that she and her husband had had a fight.

He accused her of being a bad mum. It seems that she was favoring one child over the other. There were no pictures of the second child anywhere to be seen for a long time and she only put up photos of the child after he had pointed out this fact.

I told her that this did not make her bad mum just a bad time-manager. To this, she cried even more and said that ever since she had quit being a full time mum and started working part time, there was no help forthcoming from her husband. “Now that I have a share in bringing home part of the bacon, I had assumed that he would pitch in with the housework,” she wailed. I was caught. It was not like I could comfort her. She was literally oceans away. We rarely talk nowadays because of the time difference and when we do, it’s always over the cacophony of children demanding one thing or the other. Suffice to say, we don’t pay a lot of attention to what the other is going through.

So a little thoughtlessly I told her to leave her husband. I’m not very fond of the guy anyway.

But she tells me that she thinks that is too drastic a step.

Is it?

Telling her that she is bad mum and telling her that in front of her kids, I believe, amounts to abuse.

Does it?

I think so. Men have left women for far less. If they are not getting enough support, enough smiles, enough encouragement about what wonderful work they do, men over the ages have left their families for new ones or none at all.

Having said that, I appreciate my friend’s decision to stay with her husband. I believe that she is essentially a positive person who is  a self-starter. She will, when the time is right, sit her husband down and explain some hard facts. I believe that she will find a solution to his lack of help with the housework.

But I’m sure that she will never say: You are a bad father. She won’t because she knows that saying that says more about her and her children than it does about him. It will scar the children more than it could ever scar him.

Which is why accusing someone of  being a bad mum is more about the accuser than it is about the mother or her children.

If only, if only

Go back in time to an event you think could have played out differently for you. Let alternate history have its moment: tell us what could, would or should have happened?

It’s very teenager of me but I would not change anything. I feel that even the most terrible things that have happened to me, things that make me cringe even now after years and years are very important to me today. It makes me who I am, has allowed me to move forward, have meaningful relationships. I have a story because of all the bad things I’ve done.

I think of all the people who have got it exactly right and I think.. really? There is no one that you have made unhappy? Not one? Is that what it takes to make you happy?

I can’t go into the details of all the things that I have done wrong. All I know is, when I tell people about what I feel has been my life’s greatest mistakes, they say… ok.. and then..

Since then, I”ve stopped wondering about If onlys…


I am beautiful … No matter what they say

This is strangely one of my favourite songs. sy

It was one of the first songs I heard when I first moved to Australia so it really resonates with me.  Just when I was making a new beginning and leaving all the old baggage behind, this song was playing on the radio. and as they do with top of the charts, I was hearing it at least every hour.

Sung by someone who seems to need no reassurance about being beautiful, it strikes a chord with older women who have realised this truth to adolscents who are navigating their way  to through all these territories.

Isn’t it such an obvious and beautiful thought?

I am beautiful no matter when they say. Words can’t bring me down… As it is with any great truth, it’s so elegant. Anyone could have written it. But no one else did.

Ok. children are screaming so I have to go.

I am so ashamed of the shoddy work that I am sending out to cyberspace but I am also proud that I’ve managed (by the skin of my teeth) to post every day.

change the world

What change, big or small, would you like your blog to make in the world?

My blog change the world?? !! Never given that a thought. I believe I’m too insignificant in the great scheme of the universe to hope to change the world. Those that think they can change the world have probably got parents that have told them that.
I just wanna get by. I’ll leave saving the world to my kids 😉