One step at a time
Writing to a prompt would be easy I thought. It is not. Mainly because I cannot for the life of me remember my life from when I was fourteen.
I took a look at some other posts to get the creative juices flowing.. Nah. Nothing.
So I’m writing my thoughts as my pop into my head and I can do this because I type fast. Very fast. Almost as fast as I can think and almost without misteaks. 😉
So at fourteen I am in small town Kottayam and I know that I don’t belong here. I am not a small town girl. I don’t do small town very well. I like bright lights and fast pace. Not many in my family are able to share these thoughts. I am being kind. No one can understand me. I am the proverbial black sheep and I revel in it. Already. I’m the daughter you do not want to have.
I know I am leaving soon. I know I will go somewhere, anywhere but here.
As I write, all the angst is coming back to me. I’m unable to capture the utter desolation now that I’ve moved to a place I like and live the life I love and have a family that understands and friends that accept me.
I hated my life. But then which teenager does not. I hated almost everything about it except the track and field practices. They were gruelling. We had a fantastic coach. Babu sir we called him. He has passed on now and I choke now when I think about him.
The training session were very very involving. It left me with little time to anythinog else. I believe that friendships have been sacrificed at it’s alter. Today, I have trophies to remind me of how good I was. repeat that.. was. I long for those days. Could you have a love for a boot camp. There must be a name for that illness in some German dictionary somewhere.
I can’t remember ONE thing I learnt in school. Not one. sure if someone were to jogl my mind, it might come to me. But now, even when I try, NOTHING.
Will my daughter feel like this at 14? What would I tell her?
I wanted someone important to tell me two things.
1. I love you. No Matter What. I will tell her this. In So Many Words.
2. Happy girls are beautiful girls. Be Happy with yourself. The world will follow.
And those braces your mum said you needed, Maybe you did not.